| I actually thought twice before typing this blog entry, because of... you know... my reputation. Sometimes it's really unfair to be labeled "chickboy" or whatever when they don't really know your intentions deep inside. They fail to see beyond the facade. Being friends with a lot of women doesn't make you a chickboy. Well, I decided to post it anyway. It's time to do a little damage control. I thought maybe it could help me and it could also help someone else. The other day, I was deep in thought (as I always was). I was thinkin about the word on last week's youth service where I heard the phrase "you're worth waiting for" spoken to women for the nth time. I stopped and reflected on that phrase for a moment and I looked at myself. Honestly, right now I'm waiting for someone and it's been *censored* years since we've met and I still have 2 years till I graduate, and *censored* year for me to get a job and for her to graduate. All in all that's *censored* years. *censored* years have passed and I still have *censored* years to go. Matagal pa sya, in other words. He he. But in those past years, I never really thought about it that much. But now, ibang usapan na to. Sasabihin ng iba (ususally mga younger women), "wag mu muna isipin, bata ka pa naman... blablabla..." Oh sure, that's easy for them to say kasi they haven't felt what I felt. It's always easier said than done. Wala pa sila dun sa point na kung saan na-realize mo that you really, really, really, really, really (as in really head-over-heels to the nth power) like someone. There are even times that I find myself talking to God and saying "Lord, please let her be out of my mind naman, grabe na to God. Give me an undivided heart." I get really convicted a lot of times. There's even a time when I posted a note on the screen of my cellphone which says "*person's name* fast... Si God muna!" Kasi I really want to be different. I have always wanted to be a man after God's own heart. Being in the music ministry for a long time, I developped a heart that just longs for more of God. There are times when I’m walking home when I just cry in worship. There’s always a thing inside me that longs for God. Kaya having someone else in my mind has really been a burden for me. Oo, aaminin ko masaya ako most of the times pero deep inside me I long for God to do something. Nakakaasar nga minsan, ikaw na nga yung willing to wait tapus ikaw pa yung chickboy. Ni hindi ko nga nakakausap yun ng more than 3mins eh. Sinu ngayun ang chickboy? Sometimes the purest of intentions could be turned into disasters because of gossips, mixed opinions, etc. Kaya ang akala pa rin ng mga women puro porma lang ang iniisip ng lahat ng guys sa church. Di ko naman nilalahat pero kasi nage-generalize kami most of the times. Alam ko kahit Christians na, marami pa ring ganun na nakikipag-friend dahil may hidden agenda pero sana wag naman sana kaming lahatin. So what if I like her? Does that mean na di na kami pwedeng magkaroon ng pure friendship? Sometimes you have to see things in another perspective to understand. Yun bang gusto mu sya maging friend pero ayaw mu syang palaging iniisip. This is what I’m feeling right now that I’m in the process of waiting. Di pa kasama dun yung thought na madami rin nag-aantay sa kanya… as in marami talaga (according to my research). Yun bang parang may sale sa malls na sarado pa yung mall tapus yung mga tao nagtutulakan na sa may pintuan. Parang ganun… Hay… Ang buhay nga naman, parang life. He he… At that time na iniisip ko ang mga bagay na ito, katext ko yung isa kong friend and I just felt like telling her: “Alam mu, I have a thought for you. I hope the phrase “you’re worth the wait” wouldn’t just become a cliché to you. Specially when it comes from a guy, kasi sobrang mahirap talaga sya. Mas mahirap pa sa Math17 times 10 to the nth power. It takes so much faith to wait for someone. Talagang kay God ka lang aasa. And we’re still willing to wait kasi you’re all worth it.” I just thought about how discouraging it would be to wait for *censored* years just to be turned down, but hey, what the heck… I’LL WAIT ANYWAY. Last night, after a conversation with kuya JP, I just said "God... I'm tired. I don't want to be burdened by that thought anymore. What do you want me to do? If you want us to be friends, then so be it. Your will be done. I'm so messed up. I need to be fixed. Ikaw na po ang bahala..." Iba pa rin talaga yung faith applied in the real world sa faith in theory. Sabi nga, it’s not faith unless it is tested. Para kang inaanod ng river and you’re holding on to that small branch for your life. Pero buti na lang hindi small branch yung hawak ko kasi kamay ni God yung hawak ko at hawak nya din ako. And with that thought in my mind, I can be secured because I know that even if my strength fails and I couldn’t hold on much longer, He’ll never let go. Anyway, yun lang. Sana naintindihan nyo ang line of thought ko na hindi masyadong linear. He he… NOTE: Kung kilala mo kung sinong tinutukoy ko, please let it be just between the two of us. Kasi if that person person finds out, that's another friendship destroyed. Thanks.  |
